“Out of sight, out of mind is one of the little idioms that I’ve adopted. My favorite one is ‘you never know unless you ask’ which has furthered my life more than any other. My first boyfriend taught me, ‘absence makes the hearts go wander’ which he said to me when I was considering going on a summer tour with a performing troupe from the college I was attending on a drama scholarship. I was very young and didn’t know what I know today, so I didn’t go on that tour.
When I was young, my parents and my older brother and I, we used to vacation at Oxbow Lake somewhere in the state of Michigan during the summers. There were these little cottages that had hand pumps for water in the kitchen and each had its own outhouse. There was the ‘modern’ cottage, and we called it this because it had indoor plumbing. Once in a while we’d stay in the modern one, but we preferred one of the more primitive little cottages.
The vacations we took there were always the best. My brother and I usually got to take one of our friends to spend the week with us. There were other times that friends of my parents would rent one or more of the cottages near us so that we’d have a nice group to enjoy the vacation with. Of course, we all did a lot of fishing and then cleaned them, beer batter dipped and deep fried them. I would never prepare fish like that now, in fact, I rarely eat fish anymore, but that was delicious back then.
I also don’t do any fishing now and haven’t for many years, but I can remember those times like they were yesterday. My Dad would give me a long cane pole with a long line and a fishing bobber tied to it. I was young, so this was great. He’d tell me to watch the fishing bobber and when it started to bobble a little, he’d say, “Don’t jerk the line, just slowly move the pole to keep the line tight and let the fish play with it a bit. Wait till they take the bobber down a lot or all the way under. That way you know they’ve got the hook in their mouth.” Then he’d have me jerk the fishing pole hard to make sure the hook caught the fish in the mouth. In other words, you didn’t just set your pole out and wait for the fish to bite it, you paid attention, and let your fingers feel the attention the fish was giving to your baited hook and respond so that you could catch the fish. It worked just like he said.
What brought these memories of fishing was as I’m thinking about the recent loss of my love and how I’m meeting new men that are vying for my affection. When I think about how guys approach me and they are failing to get me to stick round, it brought me back to the fishing I did when I was young. You see, most guys think that all they have to do is throw the bait in the water and I’ll just swallow it and then they’ve got me. Well, sorry, that’s not how it works with me. Dangling themselves at me without any interaction isn’t going to get me to stick around. Maybe they should have done some fishing so they’d have learned how to not only get me to take notice, but also how to keep things going so that I would decide to grab hold and then I am able to be caught.
I’ve had men telling me recently that they don’t understand why I wasn’t just sitting here by my phone or at my computer waiting for them to call me after they went missing for a few days. Well, they didn’t say that exactly, but their reaction to my ‘Who’s this?” next time they contacted me makes me think that’s what they were expecting me to do. If someone wants to see me and then disappears for a few days, I’ve already moved on. I’m so not into giving myself and my time to someone who doesn’t know how to really catch a woman, especially if it’s going to be a Dom/sub kind of relationship which is what I’m seeking to explore. I’ve only been in the submissive mood for two relationships in my life which was with my first and now again my last boyfriend. The rest of the men didn’t get to enjoy that side of me because, well, simply put, they never could bring out of me.
A man can catch my attention, but very few get me to even think about a relationship with them, let alone to be submissive. My last boyfriend, Michael, not only stopped me dead in my tracks when we met, but then he pursued me like there was no tomorrow. Alright, I’ll admit that he might have subconsciously known something about his impending death since he did tell me from the time we met that he knew he was going to die at the same age his dad did (and he did die at the same age), but even so, he knew he wanted me from the moment we met. (Honestly, so did I, I knew that I wanted him, too.)
What did he do that made him stand out above the rest and how did he catch me? First of all, there was no disappearing. We met in an online virtual game called Second Life and he told me he played the game after he got home from work which was about half an hour before midnight his time. He was on the next night and the next and the next and so on and he chose to spend that time with me. He was consistent and didn’t leave me alone to go wandering off where someone else could catch my attention.
Thinking back to my first boyfriend, the only other guy that brought out that submissive side of me, I remember how we met. I was invited by my college roommate’s boyfriend to go bowling with him and his family during a holiday. My roommate was back home with her family for Christmas and I lived in the same area as where we were going to college and so did her boyfriend. When I went bowling with my roommate’s boyfriend, that’s where I met his brother, who was charming, very attractive and he also stopped me dead in my tracks. His brother pursued me right away, leaving no time between when we met and our first date. We had a wonderful time and would have had a second date the following afternoon, but we both had outings with other people already lined up during the next day. We ran into each other while on our ‘other’ dates and just smiled at each other. That night he came to pick me up for a date and we dated every night after that.
Both of these men kept me very close to them. They didn’t give me much room to wiggle around and find another hook with bait to consider. This also created the bond that unlocked my submissive side. I don’t know if they saw that very playful part of me when we first met, that they got to enjoy to its fullest, because I don’t think they realized, any more than I did, that I love being a truly playful submissive. Their unwavering actions and their drive for me were what had me bite down hard on the hook they offered and I enjoyed my captivity completely.